How to Tell a Man You Know Hes Lying

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Did you discover that your man is deceiving you lot? Whether or not you want to salvage the relationship, you will demand to accost the lie. Hither are some ways to do information technology right. After all, the truth might sometimes be painful, but being lied to can be much, much worse.

1. 1

   Conform a meeting in person. Meeting your partner in person will allow you lot to analyze important information such as body language and center contact. This can help you lot make up one's mind whether or not your partner is still lying to you.

   • Even though lie detection is a hotly debated topic, signs of lying include pursed lips, fidgeting, a lack of cooperation, uncharacteristic terseness or silence, and the avoidance of outset-person words such as "I" or "my." ^[1]
   • Consider meeting in a neutral location, such as a cafe or restaurant. This will aid keep the confrontation from escalating and will also permit the two of you to talk over his lies as equals. If you want to preserve the relationship, try to think of your meeting equally a discussion instead of a fight.^[2]

2. 2

   Organize the bear witness. Whether the bear witness that your man has lied is a devious text, an errant electronic mail, a letter, hearsay from a friend, or but your instincts, be certain that you review the bear witness carefully before your meeting. Y'all desire to exist able to discuss the evidence with your partner calmly and rationally. Consider making redundancy copies of your evidence, merely in instance.

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3. 3

   Calm yourself downwardly. Go into your confrontation from a position of strength and tranquility. Meditate, breathe deeply, take a peaceful walk, or undertake relaxing visualization exercises.^[three] Do whatever it takes to ensure that your listen and body are prepared to keep a stressful situation from becoming too overwhelming.

4. four

   Tell him that you know nearly the lies. In order for a conflict to exist resolved, you must first define the specific terms of the conflict: in this case, that you are concerned about his lying behaviors.^[4] It is all-time if the accusation is made swiftly and directly to give you both time to resolve the issue. There is no need to beat out around the bush. Merely tell him that you know he hasn't been truthful, and that this worries you. Keep your vocalism level and at-home, and maintain eye contact. Rather than calling him a "liar," consider using specific examples of lying behaviors that you find unacceptable. For example, try using phrases such as:

   • "I have noticed recently that you lot tell me you are working late, even though you are non answering your work telephone. This makes me call up that I am being lied to."
   • "When y'all told me that yous liked my new haircut, I had the feeling that yous weren't being entirely honest."
   • "Lately I have been worried about whether you lot are existence honest with me. For example, I have seen you check your texts when you lot think I am not looking. Is in that location something you would like to tell me?"

5. 5

   Utilise "I" statements to express your feelings nigh the lying. Even though information technology might be tempting to blame, insult, or yell at the liar, inflammatory accusations might brand information technology more than hard for yous to repair the relationship. Instead, attempt speaking honestly about how his lies have made you feel.^[5] Some scripts you might use include:

   • "I find it difficult to trust someone who has lied to me."
   • "I value truthfulness in a relationship, and I find lies to exist damaging."
   • "Even if a prevarication is meant to protect my feelings, I notice that my feelings are injure more by lies than by the truth, whatsoever the truth may be."

6. 6

   Keep the chat on-topic. Mutual responses to beingness defendant of lying include changing the subject area of chat, blaming the accuser, stalling, or inappropriately complimenting the accuser.^{[6] [7]} Stick to your bulletin: that you know he lied, that you feel hurt, and that y'all need the lying to end in lodge to remain in the relationship. You have a right to express your feelings, and your partner should hear them. Don't let yourself get distracted or defensive.

7. 7

   Give him a chance to explain himself. Retrieve that sometimes people have a skillful reason to prevarication. Or perchance he didn't prevarication at all and there is a reasonable alternative caption for the bear witness yous gathered. Information technology is also possible that he feels sorry for the lies he told and that he genuinely wants to change his behavior going forrad. For example, people often lie when they are nether time pressure or stress, merely they might tell the truth afterwards they accept been given some fourth dimension and infinite to think.^[eight] Even if he is a liar, he deserves to accept his say. And if you desire to repair the relationship, it is of import that he be immune to speak his piece.^[ix]

   • Call up that people tin can be easily hoodwinked, particularly past a lover. This is known as "truth bias," which tin can make u.s. believe irrational things virtually those we care nearly.^[x] Your partner might have had a good reason to lie, but don't let yourself get caught upward in unbelievable excuses or outlandish stories. If he says that a stranger who looks but like him happened to steal his phone and use it to send nude photos to your all-time friend, practice not be fooled: he is probably still lying to you.

8. eight

   Decide where to go from hither. Follow your instincts and observe his behavior carefully. Enquire yourself if you lot truly believe that the lying will stop. Depending on how the conversation goes and what your instincts are telling you, you might practice one of several things:

   • Forgive him and move on. If the lie seems to be fairly minor or a quondam fault, and if your partner is serious well-nigh telling you the truth in the futurity, you might but go out the past in the past. Be observant moving forward, but think that everybody makes mistakes sometimes.
   • Seek counseling. If the prevarication was a major one and if you have invested a lot in this relationship, yous might consider working with a therapist or counselor on how to rebuild trust. This is most likely too much time, effort, and money to exist worthwhile for short-term relationships, still.
   • End the relationship. If you call back that your feelings are still in danger or that your partner volition go on betraying your trust, it might be best to cut off contact. Even if your original intent was salvaging the human relationship, your condom and happiness come up starting time.

9. 9

   Congratulate yourself for sticking up for the truth. Information technology is non like shooting fish in a barrel to face up a liar, just it is necessary. Care for yourself to a solar day at the spa or to an evening out with shut, trusted friends. You deserve some relaxation and fun.

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1. i

   Decide to stop the relationship built on lies. Some lies are forgivable; others you cannot only get over. You are not obligated to "forgive and forget" anybody's lies and mistakes. Fifty-fifty if you decide to end a relationship with a liar, it can sometimes be beneficial to confront him to permit him know your feelings. In this example, you are against him not to encourage him to improve his behavior but rather to empower yourself and regain your confidence afterward a betrayal. You need to be sure, even so, that y'all truly want to end the relationship. Do not use the threat of a break-up every bit a way to try to control his behavior. ^[11]

2. 2

   Determine whether it is safe or worthwhile to confront the liar. Sometimes a lie is just a prevarication. But sometimes lying behavior is linked to other, even more dangerous behaviors and weather condition. Narcissists, abusers, overly jealous people, and obsessives are all more likely to exhibit pathological lying behaviors.^[12] Consider whether your partner has shown other concerning behaviors of late, such every bit possessiveness, jealousy, anger, or a lack of empathy. If so, you lot might not want to hash out his lies at all and instead simply get out the situation.

3. iii

   Accommodate a confrontation in person, over the phone, or online. Because y'all are ending the relationship, yous do not need to determine whether or not he is still lying to you. You no longer care what he does: this conversation is all most you and your needs. This frees you from having to read his body language or maintain eye contact during an in-person conversation. All yous have to exercise is say what you need to say, notwithstanding you experience comfortable saying it. You tin can face up the liar:

   • In person. It will mostly likely exist safest to do so in a public place. Consider telling a close friend or family unit member where this meeting will have place, so that yous have redundancy if the conversation escalates. This is a riskier option, merely it also gives you the pleasure of seeing his face when you tell him that you know he lied to you.
   • Over the phone. Consider writing yourself notes or bullet points so that you remember to cover everything yous want to say. Remember: this will hopefully exist the last time you contact him, so yous don't want to go out anything important unsaid. This option likewise gives you the opportunity but to hang up the phone if he begins making upwards empty-headed excuses or yelling.
   • Through an e-mail. An e-mail will allow you to express yourself clearly and concisely. This selection is particularly useful if yous exercise non want to run across that liar's stupid face again. Consider having a close friend read the e-mail before you send it to make certain that it is legible. If the liar responds, you have the option of reading his reply or but sending it to your spam folder. Though there might be a stigma against ending a relationship over email, sometimes information technology is the safest method, especially if your soon-to-exist-ex has exhibited other concerning behaviors.

4. 4

   Express your feelings of hurt and betrayal. Because you are not seeking to repair the relationship, tell him honestly how his lies made you experience. Effort not to yell or apply profanity, but do emphasize the fact that his behavior was unacceptable and that he is to blame for ruining the relationship. Mayhap your bravery will help him be truthful to his hereafter partners, but his actions are no longer your responsibility. You lot are non responsible for changing him: you are only responsible for ending the relationship with your pride and honesty intact.

5. 5

   Keep on message. Information technology is likely that he will try to distract you with apologies or excuses, and he might even blame you lot for his lies.^{[thirteen] [14]} Do non react in any way to these excuses: continue a stony, silent confront, and so resume telling him nearly your feelings. Soon he will learn that this conversation is well-nigh what you lot have to say, not about what he is thinking or feeling.

6. six

   Seek support from your loved ones. This is not a time to keep your problems to yourself. This is a time to accomplish out to your close friends and family members. Not only can they give you a more objective perspective on your partner'due south lies, just their company and fellowship will help keep you from falling back into a relationship with a liar. If you forget that you ended a human relationship with a liar for a very practiced reason, they volition remind you that y'all did the correct thing. Indeed, studies have shown that a breakup tin crusade you to strengthen and develop your friendships, leading to increased happiness.^{[15] [xvi]}

7. seven

   Focus on the positives of breaking up with a liar. Breakups are painful, but they can also lead to positive outcomes, specially if you focus on how you lot've grown considering of the experience. ^[17] Tell yourself that you lot can thrive more at present that you are no longer in the company of a liar.

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• Consider the fact that merely about everybody--including yourself--has lied at some time or another. ^[18] This does non necessarily justify his actions, only it might make them more understandable.

• Avoid passive aggressive behaviors if y'all want the lying to terminate. Directly action is the nearly effective manner to encourage a positive change in his behavior.

• Practise non get police force enforcement involved unless it is absolutely necessary, such as if he has lied virtually harming others, committing a crime, or engaging in other dangerous behaviors.

• Proceed in heed that the vast majority of lies are "chivalrous lies" that are non meant to harm others. However, the about hurtful lies come up from those who are closest to us.^[19]

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• Be aware that getting caught may convince him never to lie once more, but it might also simply encourage him to embrace his tracks more effectively. Treat him with healthy skepticism in your future interactions until he has earned your trust over again.

• Some men become enraged when confronted with the truth or accused as liars. Exist prepared to defend yourself, or consider property your confrontation in a safe, public identify. If your instincts say that the liar might harm you, prioritize your safety over "clearing the air."

• You might exist proven wrong, unless you have rock solid evidence. Be prepared to swallow crow.

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About This Article

Article Summary X

Before yous tell a guy that you know he's lying to you, you need to decide if you want to save or finish your relationship with them. If you lot want to salvage the relationship, arrange to meet them in person so you tin can read their body language when you lot confront them. Organize whatever evidence you have gathered and calmly tell him that you know that he hasn't been telling you the truth. Instead of direct calling him a liar, say something like, "I've noticed that your office was empty when yous said you lot were at work, and it makes me experience similar I'grand being lied to." Then, give him a chance to explain himself so you lot can decide if y'all yet desire to stay with him. To end the human relationship after yous find out he's lying to you, confront him and tell him how his lies made you feel. You can regain your confidence after his betrayal and it will help you motility on with your life. For tips about how to go along yourself from getting distracted or defensive when you lot're telling a guy that you know he's lying to you, keep reading.

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